apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
