I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
