so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This house was built for laser tag.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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