Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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