So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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