As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
