I just made out with a guy for $7.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
