i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
