It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
