im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
