I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Even my vagina gasped.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
