the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
