my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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