Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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