whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
