Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
