I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
do herpes really smell.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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