somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
