Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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