the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
