I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
