I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
