I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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