neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
