the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
