I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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