im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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