So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
