I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
