I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
