The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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