:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
