I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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