PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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