Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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