and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
