Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
