Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
