My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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