I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
