The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
