I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
