if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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