Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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