all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You ruined the universe
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
