Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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