Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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