I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
