TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
