Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
