She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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