Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize