she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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