I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just cropdusted the office
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
