I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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