One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
