some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
