That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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