True but thats because hes a fetus.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
