New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
