I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
