i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
