apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
